your parents love me but you hate me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
