We're facebook friends in real life
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
