So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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