Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
