i think my tv is drunk
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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