I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
