And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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