I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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