What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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