it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
