So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
