He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
