Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
