he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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