She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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