You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Text me some of your sweat
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
