My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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