I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
