I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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