Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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