Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
