You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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