tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
