so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
