two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
