In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
