Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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