i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
