We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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