I'm jealous of your bromance
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
