I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
