So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
