That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
