last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
