Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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