bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I love having hate sex.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
