I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
