Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
