I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
