I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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