Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
