I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
