I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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