Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
