I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
