Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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