I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
