i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
