I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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