please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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