In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
