I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
