Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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