People with herpes should wear stickers.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
